Today, I was asked how would I feel if people said bad or negative things about me? I have to crack a smile. I could care less. All my life, I have had people to put me down, and treat me awful. I have had people hit me, torment me, and say the cruelest things to me. At one time, these things profoundly affected me. I allowed these things to depress me, and drive me crazy. What I did not realize at the time was I allowed people, whom had no effect on my life whatsoever, to build a cage that I (unknowingly) willingly walked into. They slammed the door. For years of my life, I stayed in that cage because I did not have any faith in myself, and I was always trying to please people so they would like me. I built my self-worth, my self-confidence, and self-image on a group of people that had no effect on my life. I was so miserable. I worried so much and caused so much self-stress that I (unconsciously) made myself sick. I was always in the hospital for migraines. I would be vomiting, and hurting to the point that I wanted to end it all. I even went to California for a fresh start, and yet, I still walked the same self-damaging path as I did before expecting different results, which is the definition of insanity.
One day, I had a mindshift when I realized I can open the door to my cage, and walk free. Suddenly, there was a weight lifted off my shoulders. For the first time, I was able to breath, laugh, enjoy, and look life with wonder, fulfillment, and positive opportunities. Most of all, I looked at the world like it was not out to get me. That mindshift of trying to please people was the reason why I was in my predicament. Where did that get me? Depressed, homeless, afraid, and utterly hating myself. I stopped trying to please people or caring what they thought or said. I embraced the medicine of the skunk – fearlessness. What was the worst that could happen? I lose friends and family members because they did not want to support my efforts due to the fact that they wanted to control me. This is my life, not theirs. I have to walk the path. They do not. I have to be happy with who I am. That would never happen as long as I try to please others. Would it be easy? No, but I wanted to be free from that cage, and never to go back into it again!
Fast forward to today, I am so much happier. I am a spiritual holistic coach who helps people discover the key to getting out of their cage, and live the life they always wanted. I help them to find their passion and purpose in life, and be in alignment with Spirit as they walk their Soul’s journey. I am a High Priestess of the Evermoving We Rise Temple, and help my congregation to move forward. I am the host and executive producer of Witch Hat Chats. I am at peace, and I do not care about pleasing others or what their thoughts are about me. I get to live a little. I get to laugh a little. I get to live my dream!
How does stop caring about pleasing others?
1) Be brutely honest with yourself. Do not allow yourself to provide excuses for your or other’s thoughts or actions. Take responsibility for the position you in. You realize and acknowledge you are in the position you are in because of the choices you made.
2) Give yourself permission to be happy. Many times, people are waiting to be told what to do, and given permission to do it. This is something society has taught us since we were children. I am here to tell you to be your own boss. Part of being your own boss is giving yourself permission to be happy, and to be a little selfish. If you do not take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else? No one is going to be taking care of you, but you. Give yourself permission to be happy and pursue your dreams.
3) Make a choice to be happy. Identify what will make you happy. Remember only you can make yourself happy. No one else can do this for you, and you cannot do this for anyone else.
4) Once you identify what will make you happy, write down a list of steps you need to take to obtain that happiness. Make these steps reasonable, but also allow the steps to make you go outside your comfort zone. You must go outside your comfort zone (pleasing people). You do what you want to do, not what your mom, spouse, siblings, friends, etc. want you to do.
5) Realize you will always have people who will put you down for following your dreams. They do not want you to change and grow because they fear you will outgrow them. Remember this is ok. When people go out of your life, they have served their purpose. This is part of growing. No, this is not easy. However, ask yourself…do I want to go back into that cage again? If the answer is no, cut them lose. Don’t look back.
6) Do not allow any excuses for not doing the steps to achieve your happiness. This is the Condition Self talking. You are working on emerging your Authentic Self. The Condition Self will do anything to prevent you from changing and growing. We are meant to continue to grow until the day we die. Do not give yourself any excuses for not accomplishing this.
7) Set a time limit to accomplish your goal. Do not allow yourself to postpone it.
8) Love yourself. Being your own boss entails you to love yourself. With self-love comes self-confidence. Realize you are a divine being, and you were put on this earth to be more than what you are. Create a mantra/positive affirmation that you tell yourself starting at 5 times a day in the mirror. Each week, double that number. Say it with confidence, and the belief you are what you say you are. You are worth it!
9) Stop apologizing! Take that word out of your vocabulary. It is not your fault that people are not happy, or that the earth is not revolving around someone. Stand your ground! This may be frightening. Every time you become frighten, remember being put back in that cage! Which one is scarier? You have the keys to get out of the cage, and destroying the cage forever. Do not forget this!
10) Read 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class: The Thought Processes, Habits, and Philosophies of the Great Ones by Steve Siebold. This book tells you how the world class thinks and how to succeed.
I will leave you with a quote from actor Ed Sheeran, “I can’t tell you how the key of success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”